Posted on June 23, 2011 by Nell Frizzell
Do you know my favourite moment of The Apprentice’s opening montage? It’s when Felicity shrieks “He wouldn’t even take a penny off!” as though the man in question just asked her to ingest an avocado through a suppository. It’s that kind of indignation that made this nation, well, indig.
To make a change from the usual floral effluence, this episode’s dawn call is punctuated by a strangely lingering shot of a spider crawling up a lampshade. Maybe this is our first clue that Margaret Mountford is in fact living in the attic, covered in a lace of spiders’ webs, clutching a signed press shot of S’r’Alan’s finger to her white gowned breast, weeping in to an Amstradkerchief. But I digress.
The Apprenti (this is the plural of ‘tosser’ – believe me) are off to Paris to sell their wares. I can’t wait until Lord Alanie comes out with a brown bob, in a flowery dress, holding a spoon.
Tom is put in charge of Logic, which makes sense because he wears glasses and tends to talk with all the passion and humour of a robot. Venture, endowed with the apparently unbeatable Helen, is led by Piranha Susan. Or Susie, as she calls herself in a hopeless attempt to appear child-like, rather than hopelessly moronic.
So, what retail delights are our aspiring interns – sorry, I mean partners – wrapping around Paris? Well, there’s a £1,500 electric bike (because a bike needs electricity like a fish needs a lumbar puncture), some pipe cleaners and a £325 beanbag. Fantastique. Not to mention a child seat, an espresso maker and some cress on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Finally, we have a light shaped like a teapot. Well, as anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to chew on a Lipton dust bag knows, the French love tea.
This task was inevitable going to involve some problems of translation. For instance, while Susan says, “I’m pretty much kid-sized,” Karen translates this as “She is actually very immature.”
Which may seem a little harsh, until Susan asks her imaginary group of invisible pixie friends, “Do French people drive?” and “Do the French like their children?” Mind you. Have you ever seen the trainers French children wear on school exchanges? Their parents can’t really love them that much.
One of the items Susan plumps for is called “The Universal Travel Grip,” which I had always thought was what Leonard Nimoy used to get a seat on Klingon buses. But it turns out to be a jumble of twist tags in which you can put your phone and, well, your phone really.
Meanwhile, for Logic, Melody is conducting some vital research in a Parisian Metro station. “It’s just so impressive that you can talk to them and understand what they’re saying back!” exclaims Dildo Baggins, even more boggle-eyed than usual. Well, you would be pretty impressed too if you’d just discovered the concept of language.
Surprisingly, when Melody talks to people on the Metro about transport, many of them say that they travel on the Metro. Well, that’s certainly unexpected. So, consequently, the car seat is discarded like a pube in a baguette, leaving them selling radioactive teapots and cress gardens. Good luck.
Over on team Venture, Zoe turns up at a rather chic interiors shop, wearing the kind of rucksack that Floella Benjamin would call ‘a bit silly’. Oh wait, sorry, that’s the car seat. Either way, the owner couldn’t be less interested. Bah oui.
The next appointment is the big one: La Redoute. Famous international catalogue and retail brand. To whom Natasha and Tom would like to sell a number of teapot lights. Any by ‘number’ I mean ‘ten’. That’s, what, one per every ten thousand customers? At least Natasha backs up this blinding bit of business pitching by explaining to the board that here in England we like to eat crockery at dinner parties and make scones out of bones.
The fact that Melody can actually talk to people in Paris is making her look like Popeye at a Mr Muscle casting, while Tom is wishing people on the phone a “Bonne holiday. Ciao.” Finally – and I’ve honestly been waiting all season for this – the Apprentices’ frankly baffling habit of holding their phones out from their chins like little spittoons finally results in Tom making a total cobblers of his call. That’s right – he drops it on the medieval street.
Back in the boardroom, Leon moans that Melody rather took over as team leader: “She was speaking French of which I cannot speak.” Although he does appear to speak fluent 16th Century. Natasha, meanwhile, spends the entire boardroom meeting wincing silently, like someone having a lemon squeezed through their knickers.
Despite Melody’s teapot turnover for Logic, the mighty Helen managed to land an order of over 214,000 Euros for their booster seat backpacks. In the words of the talking tortoise, “This isn’t just a loss. This is an annihilation.”
So, Venture is off to get some flying lessons. Look out for the bit where Helen swoops over Susan’s plane, windscreen-to-windscreen, flipping the bird, Top Gun-style. It’s quite a sight.
Back in the boardroom, Tom takes Melody and Leon in for a thorough drubbing, leaving Natasha to slink home and iron her face.
“Did you research La Radoute or not? That is my question,” barks Lord Sucre, leaving the soliloquy of Hamlet in smouldering ruins around him. In fact, Lord Sugar is finding it hard to see what Leon did at all during his trip to Paris. Which is exceptionally dense because as anyone watching this boardroom interlude can see, Leon spent most of his time in Paris buying pink lipgloss. The man’s mouth is shimmering like a pearl, for chrissakes.
Melody is let off the hook, thanks to her Tiger-like ability to communicate outside of the M25, leaving it a choice between Tom and Leon. Can I be honest with you readers? I genuinely think that, up until this moment, I hadn’t quite realised that Tom and Leon were two separate men. I think all I ever saw was a miasma of flopping brown hair, Neolithic eyebrows and stuttering ineptitude.
But anyway, Lord Alanstrad manages to tell them apart for just long enough to give Leon the finger. So it’s back to the Shire for him, I’m afraid. Bye bye Dildo Baggins. Bye bye.
Posted in Misc |
Tagged Apprentice Blog |
Leave a comment
Posted on June 22, 2011 by John Cronin
Commercial property developers Development Securities (Dev Sec) has purchased a Bristol office block in a joint venture with Ellandi LLP.
Dev Sec and Ellandi have paid £7.6m for Colston Tower (pictured), a 15-storey office block in Bristol city centre. The pair have formed a new joint venture with Dev Sec holding a 75% share and Ellandi 25%. Dev Sec and Ellandi have previously joined forces to purchase the Crown Glass Shopping Centre in Nailsea, Bristol.
Colston Tower is a multi-let office block running at an occupancy rate of 85%. The building was completed in 1973 and offers some 90,000 sq ft of floor space. The building has retail and restaurant units on the ground floor with offices above. Colston Tower, one of the largest offices in Bristol, is a significant local landmark with a well-recognised clock that was added in 1996.
The new owners plan to increase the current rental yield of just over 10% by implementing a rolling refurbishment programme. Mark Robinson, partner at Ellandi, has comically suggested: “[Colston Tower is] bloody ugly / a masterpiece of brutalist architecture (delete as appropriate)”.
Currently, 30% of the rental income comes from the retail/leisure units. The building is currently occupied by 33 tenants and the average, unexpired lease term is just over 4 years.
Commenting on the transaction, Matthew Weiner, Executive Director of Dev Sec, said: “Colston Tower provides a high income return and significant scope to improve the property through intensive asset management.”
Agents Knight Frank are currently marketing suites within Colston Tower starting at rental prices of £10 / sq ft. There is also an estimated service charge of £5 / sq ft. Vacant office suites range in size from 1,119 sq ft to 10,091 sq ft.
Posted in Bristol |
Tagged Renovations, Rental Prices, Transactions |
Leave a comment
Posted on June 20, 2011 by Nell Frizzell
“This is not a job.” And with the least reassuring recruitment slogan ever, Lord Sugarlumps cracks out Episode Seven of The Apprentice. Expect key phrases like “This is not a competition” and “I have no money,” in next week’s opening credits.
Once all the rubbish, heavy metal and scrapheap jokes from last week have been recycled about as successfully as a condom, it’s time to crack on with this week’s task.
It’s 5.45am and the phone is ringing. Like a lab rat hooked up to an electrical conveyor belt, Melody seems to have learned from torment, for she answers the dawn chorus not only dressed, but in full make up. The Apprentices have just 30 minutes to get to Fleet Street, making this sound like the most unappetising game of Monopoly since the 1930s.
This week, the Sugarettes are to create a free premium magazine in just 12 hours. These free premiumsare more commonly known as ‘freemiums’ in the same way that Lord Alan is known as a ‘Sugariatric.’
Natasha is chosen to lead Logic, which bafflingly now contains Helen, Melody, Tom and Leon. The man known to Twitter as ‘Jedi Jim’ and to me as ‘Staring Sociopath Jim’ is taking the Venture reins, leading Zoe (John Lennon), Glenn (Shrek) and Susan (a pirhana).
So, what will go on between their sheets, you ask, with a twinkle in your eye and vomit in your gullet? “Lads magazines are about lads, yeah?” opens Natasha. That’s the kind of profound thinking the British business community are crying out for. “Porn sells,” she reiterates. How does this bastion of taste and intelligence respond to the suggestion that perhaps the magazine could be a little more business-orientated? A little more classy? “Does that translate as boring? I don’t know.” Move over Noel Coward.
Over at Venture, the team are with their focus group, running over the good things about being over 60. “Holidays without kids… bungee jumping”. Perhaps this radical new magazine could give away a free holiday of throwing children off bridges as an introductory offer? Just a thought.
The naming section of the episode is always one of the creative highlights isn’t it? For Venture’s over 60s magazine we have Eternal, Lighter Life, Coffin Dodger and Zimmer (well, Bob “Zimmerman” Dylan is 70 now, I suppose) before settling on the joyful Hip Replacement. Because you know what older people like? Hip hop and being replaced. Yes indeed.
Over in Charm Central, Natasha has gone for Covered, suggesting a feature titled “How to blow your load.” “I’m kind of thinking dirty secretary,” she explains. I’m kind of thinking dim-witted misogynist. But I have a feeling she’s not going to listen to other people on this one. “One thing we have to bear in mind is that our focus group was quite focussed.” Ah, as I suspected.
By 5pm the poor designer working under Greyhound Jim has mocked up at least 20 mastheads for the appallingly-named Hip Replacement. In fact, in about two hours they appear to have designed an entire magazine. This is like doing Graphic Design for the Duracell bunny.
For Logic, Natasha and her team are walking the streets, asking men how they like to blow their load. I hope they were in Soho where there are menus and rate cards for that kind of thing. Once the magazine is finished (over night, no doubt by a team of poorly-paid, stumpy-fingered designers working in a pitch-black cave somewhere) Natasha is able to answer the door to her prototype announcing “I’m the editor of Covered magazine”. How nice. I’m sure it’s exactly how Anna Wintour answers the call from the gas man.
Now that the magazines have been distilled down to five preposterously big cardboard cut outs, it’s time for both teams to make their pitches. Jim refuses to negotiate on price, Hip Replacement is laughed out of the offices of Mediacom and Leon is interrupted more times than a couple using the rhythm method of contraception.
Everyone thinks Hip Replacement is a gap in the market. Sadly it is a gap plugged by a cardigan-wearing geriatric sex couple with a dreadful name, sold by an Irish psychopath. Everyone thinks Covered is a bit, well, laddie but are won over by Natasha’s innate mystique; “We don’t want to drop our pants before we get in there.” Quite right.
So, it’s back to the boardroom for a little literary criticism. This time everyone is finally allowed to sit down in front of a perfectly spaced glass of water. Oh no, apart from Melody. Who hovers behind the rest of her team like a fat kid at a disco.
By the by, just what is it that Karen and Nick write on those pads while they’re waiting for Lord Sugargoyle to come in? Probably, just putting the finishing touches to those Tesco application forms.
Despite their lapdancing-all-the-way-back-to-the-90s aesthetic, Logic manage to pull a ludicrous £60,000 offer out of the bag at the last minute, leaving Venture to choke on Logic’s chlamydic dust. To celebrate, the lads mag team are off to learn the delicate art of fencing. Pork swords at dawn.
Which means it’s cold cups of coffee, unused microwaves and stained tea towels for Venture in the greasy spoon from Hell.
Back in the boardroom, Captain Thyroid aka Jim twists out of all responsibility like a greyhound in a helter skelter. Also, despite trying to sack them all, Jim claims that all his team loved him. According to psychologists, a grandiose sense of self-worth is the hallmark of psychopathy. Just saying.
Glenn calls Jim a control freak. Karen calls Jim passive aggressive. Nick calls Jim a jelly on a wall. Mind you, Jim calls Susan all style and no substance, a mouse and Bambi. So, you know, at least the names are flowing like fine wine.
So, despite the fact that Jim is irresponsible, manipulative and deranged, Lord Sugar for some absurd reason decides to fire Glenn. Because, apparently, he’s “never known an engineer turn his hand for business.”
And that, my friends, is the sound of Henry Ford spinning in this grave.
Posted in Misc |
Tagged Apprentice Blog |
1 Comment
Posted on June 20, 2011 by John Cronin
Commercial agent Lambert Smith Hampton (LSH) has secured a new tenant for a speculative office scheme in the heart of the business district of Manchester.
LSH has signed up recruitment consultancy Sacco Mann for an office suite at the Vantage Point development (pictured – website) in Spinningfields, Manchester. The company have agreed to take a 1,500 sq ft office suite on a 10-year lease. Rental prices have not been disclosed but floor space within the building is quoted at £25 / sq ft.
Vantage Point is an 11-storey office building offering basement parking and 10 floors of office space. The 50,000 sq ft building offers floor plates of 5,031 sq ft to 5,859 sq ft. Office suites are available on either a split or whole floor basis.
A speculative development by Hardman Estates, Vantage Point is located in the popular Spinningfields district of Manchester. With several new-build office developments within close proximity, the area has been described as the “Canary Wharf of the north”. The developers scored an early success at Vantage Point with Allied Irish Bank (AIB) agreeing to a pre-let in 2008 for 16,000 sq ft of space over 4 floors. The rental details for the 15-year lease were not disclosed.
Commenting on the lease agreement, John Sacco at Sacco Mann said: “We wanted a building that was in a highly visible location, within close proximity of the concentration of solicitors and professional firms already based at Spinningfields. Vantage Point delivers exactly that.”
The building has achieved a BREEAM rating of ‘Very Good’. 31,723 sq ft of vacant floor space remains available to let. Marketing agents are King Sturge and CBRE.
Posted in Manchester |
Tagged Rental Prices, Speculative Developments, Spinningfields |
Leave a comment
Posted on June 17, 2011 by John Cronin
New tenants are set to occupy offices at an expanding business park in Monmouthshire later this month.
Charnwood Group, developers of the Wales 1 Business Park at Magor, Monmouthsire are expecting 2 new tenants to move in to brand new office space during June.
Construction works are due to finish on Building 102 (pictured) and Mad Catz, an interactive entertainments company, are to take the 5,000 sq ft 2nd floor of the 3-storey 15,000 sq ft building. The ground floor is to be a conference centre and the top floor remains available. Rental prices have not been disclosed.
The other incoming occupier is Monmouthshire County Council (MCC) who are relocating 200 staff to the 28,000 sq ft Building 104. The Grade A offices were previously part-occupied by serviced offices provider Regus. Regus have relocated to another 15,000 sq ft building on the site. MCC purchased the building in May, 2010.
Steve Greenslade, MCC’s Corporate Director, commenting on the purchase of the new offices said: “The purchase of the Wales 1 building represents an exciting start to Monmouthshire’s new accommodation strategy and will enable us to make cost savings through new ways of working.”
When complete, Wales 1 will offer approximately 255,000 sq ft of high quality office accommodation along with a hotel and a nursery. The smallest office blocks will offer 15,000 sq ft of floor space and the largest building, suitable for headquarters office use will offer 50,000 sq ft of space. There will be a total of 9, 3-storey office blocks within the 17-acre business park. The buildings are BREEAM rated ‘Very Good’. Design and build options are also available.
Posted in Monmouthshire |
Tagged Business Parks, Public Sector, Serviced Offices |
Leave a comment
Posted on June 15, 2011 by John Cronin
A funding deal has been secured for a speculative office development in Cambridge city centre.
Developers Pace Investments have secured development finance from a division of Investec Specialist Private Bank for their speculative Botanic House offices scheme in Cambridge. The actual amount of funding secured has not been disclosed.
The office building, which is already under construction, is the 1st phase of the larger mixed-use development called Botanic Place. The development site is bounded by the University Botanic Garden and is close the railway station.
The lens-shaped office block (pictured) is a 7-storey building offering 53,000 sq ft of floor space with large floor plates of approximately 7,000 sq ft. The offices have been designed by Formation Architects whose other commercial projects include the 200,000 sq ft Octagon offices scheme in Slough.
According to market reports, accountancy giants KPMG are in discussions with Pace Investments regarding a lease of a single floor within the building. There is some speculation that the rental price could reach £31 / sq ft.
Pace Investments first unveiled their plans for the site in 2006. Existing buildings on the site, including a former building also called Botanic House, have been demolished. The £70m mixed-use development was the first speculative office development in this specific area of Cambridge for 15 years. It is somewhat smaller than the CB1 office development that Microsoft have recently agreed to lease.
Commenting on the funding, Johnny Vincent, Chief Executive of Pace Investments said: “We have taken the initiative to start the project speculatively, which underlines our belief that there is strong demand for new high quality offices in central Cambridge”.
Posted in Cambridgeshire |
Tagged Rental Prices, Speculative Developments, Transactions |
1 Comment
Posted on June 13, 2011 by John Cronin
Motor insurance company Admiral has secured planning consent for new headquarter offices in Cardiff.
Cardiff Council have given planning consent for a 12-storey building that will offer approximately 220,000 sq ft of floor space. The development will include basement parking and ground-floor retail units. The offices will accommodate up to 3,000 staff. The firm already has 2,000 staff in other existing offices in Cardiff.
The planned development has been the subject of some objection. The owners of the nearby Motorpoint Arena Cardiff on Mary Ann Street objecting to the plans suggesting: “that the massive office development will increase congestion, lead to a loss of open space and overshadow the arena’s administrative offices.”.
The landowners had improved the vacant site by grassing-over the muddy, former car park. The site was subsequently perceived as being a public space and locals objected to the plans which seemingly resulted in a loss of a popular meeting place. The design of the building has also received criticism with one local councillor describing it as “looking like a convection heater”.
Developers for the £58m scheme are Stoford and architects are Glenn Howells. Admiral report that the design of the office block has been endorsed by the Design Commission for Wales (pdf download). The 50m tower is expected to have low CO2 emissions and to achieve a BREEAM rating of ‘Excellent’.
Commenting on the planning consent Henry Engelhardt, Admiral Group CEO said: “This new building will allow us to continue to grow as a company and truly cements our commitment [to Cardiff].”
Construction work is expected to start by late summer with a target completion date of spring, 2014.
Posted in South Glamorgan |
Tagged Planning |
Leave a comment
Posted on June 10, 2011 by John Cronin
The final brick has been laid during a ‘topping out’ ceremony at a new office building in West Bromwich.
The 5-storey block at Providence Place (pictured) is the first new-build office in West Bromwich for more than 3 decades. Offering some 70,000 sq ft of floor space, the building is the first of potentially 5 new office schemes totalling 245,000 sq ft.
The development site was originally known as All Saints but was rebranded earlier this year. Developers behind the multi-million pound scheme are Birmingham-based Stoford.
In a joint public-private sector venture, BT and Sandwell Council are to occupy the new offices. 500 members of staff from Transform Sandwell are to occupy the building along with BT employees. A hot-desk system is being implemented along with flexible working practices to maximise office usage.
Commenting on the new building, Councillor Ian Jones, Sandwell’s cabinet member for jobs and economy, said: “It’s fantastic to see this superb building completed. Providence Place is a vital part of the redevelopment of the town as high quality office space will help attract new investment.”
It is likely that construction of subsequent phases at Providence Place will only commence once pre-let agreements have been secured. That was certainly the view of Jon Andrews of Stoford who, when plans for the development were first submitted in late 2008 said: “We are now in discussion with other potential blue chip occupiers that are interested in pre-letting the remaining [space]”. Mr Andrews also suggested that rental prices of around £20 / sq ft would be approximately 30% less than those for comparable office space in central Birmingham.
The offices are expected to be officially opened in October.
Posted in West Midlands |
Tagged Public Sector, Rental Prices |
Leave a comment
Posted on June 9, 2011 by Nell Frizzell
Lord Sugar is “passionate about new money-spinning ideas,” says the voiceover, as Episode Six thrusts its way on to our screens. Sadly, Lord Suga-ga is still only just waking up to the commercial potential of steam locomotion and indoor plumbing.
But back to the show. The birds are singing, the dawn is cracking, the phone is ringing and there is yet another preposterously big bunch of flowers by the handset. Seriously, it’s like Dawn of the Triffids down there. I fully expect for Glenn to one day rush down the stairs, only to discover a ringing phone, an empty six litre bottle of Baby Bio and Susie’s decomposing legs disappearing down a stamen. Luckily Edna gets away from the Frankenbloom unscathed, telling the apprentices to don their high-vis vests and head to West London.
When was the last time I saw this many brain cells wearing high vis vests? Back stage at a N-Dubz gig? Down a sewer? At a Handy Andy fan club reunion? Who knows. But this time they’re off to a rubbish dump. This is what Ruskin would have called pathetic fallacy and I would call a pathetic collection of phalluses.
“You can make money from just about anything,” says the Baron of Clapton. Old Sugarnuts is actually there in person for a change, rather his usual craggy hologram. Sadly, he slightly ruins the corporeal effect by adding, “This is rubbish.”
So, this week they’re selling waste. Next week: old rope. The week after: a dead horse.
After being briefed, the teams are taken to a carpark lecture on “The business potential of rubbish.” Which must be the MA Course listed just below “The philosophical potential of offal.”
Before any of the real shit-shovelling can begin, both teams must elect a leader. “In terms of experience I’ve got nothing at all…” admits Susan with what is either startling honesty or startling psychopathy. So, instead Zoe gets to be PM. Which stands for project manager, but with a voice like hers – a voice like heavy chains rubbing across broken train tracks – perhaps a future in politics beckons?
“Helen stood out for me because she put her strategy right on the table” says Natasha. Well, we’ve all been to hen dos like that, I suppose.
For Logic, Jim takes the interesting approach of driving around the suburbs threatening homeowners over a tannoy, before trying to steal their barbeques. The women, on the other hand, are sitting in the back seat of a car in full overalls and high vis. Be safe, be seen, be stupid.
“I feel like Melody has just said, here’s a big plate of blame, fancy a bite?” says Natasha, to camera. You know how I eat off a bit plate of blame, Natasha? With a giant spoon of passive aggression and a colossal fork of denial.
For Venture, Zoe is pure positivity: “Listen to me when I say this, I know nothing.” Out of the mouths of babes. Or, in this case, female John Lennon lookalikes.
Back on the streets of West London, Jim and Tom are creating possibly the most surreal Baywatch parody I’ve ever seen; two black-haired, thyroid-imbalanced mentrepreneurs running up a residential hill in ill-fitting red overalls. Sexy.
“Waste management is an industry full of tricks” says Nick, sagely. No, no Nick. You’re thinking of close-up magic and prostitution.
As her team gradually realise that they have spent a whole day collecting about 80p worth of gravel and chewing gum wrappers, Zoe grabs the bull of opportunity by the horns and sits openly weeping in an ill-lit MFI showroom. She’ll probably write Imagine about this later with her husband Noko Nono.
Luckily, the next day Edna, Zoe and Orblando Bloomers agree to clear an alleyway full of unbagged shite in return for three waist-height copper thermos flasks. That strikes me as a little like agreeing to worm your own dog in return for a packet of used blu-tac, but hey, what do I know? I mean, it’s Edna who’s “the brains and the brawn as”.
Over at team Logic HQ (a rubbish-strewn garden somewhere in South London) a Battersea builder is sneaking extra bags of rubbish into their load. Greyhound Jim tries to complain, but to no avail. Never take on a fat man in a builders’ yard-branded t-shirt behind a privet hedge, Jim. You will always lose.
And so the task draws to a close. Waste is loaded in some sort of flat-bed reverse-birth with shouts of “Push! Push!” metal is weighed and priced using the blinding science of, well, a magnet and prices are negotiated. A quick word of advice: When negotiating a deal always make sure you do a jumping high five and shout “Awesome!” as soon as they suggest a price. It really is the only way to get the best deal.
“It felt so good to see dirt on me and dust in my eyes,” says Melody before going in to the boardroom. Pervert.
As they take their assembled seats, with Susie standing behind the rest of the team pulling a face like a cat’s arse, it’s time for Lord Sugarmort to call in the results.
All in all, Team Venture earned a respectable £706, but Logic finally bucked their losing streak with a mighty £712 profit. Suck on those six big ones, Venture. Six entire pounds. To celebrate, Helen et al are off to a thermal spa. Which is where you have a bath wearing your longjohns, for any tourists taking notes.
Which must mean that it’s time for Crappy-go-Sucky Zoe and the rest of her team to gather in the Café de Despair. Such is the weight of disappointment that I’m sort of expecting one of them to stick a fork through their eye and asphyxiate themselves with a squeezy bottle of HP. Some hope.
Zoe takes Susie and Edna back in to the boardroom with her. Go sisterhood! Each woman takes a different tact to self-defence. Susie puckers her underbite in to something approximating a piranha’s anus, Zoe rolls her eyes like John Lennon having an acid flashback and Edna curls up her silver lips like someone who’s just discovered a dead dog in their pop sock.
“Anybody can make a phonecall.” Lord Sugar admonished Edna. He’s obviously never met a middle aged mother with a new mobile phone.
“You were not good for team morale, Zoe,” lambasts Susie. “You sat in the corner crying.” One day this passage will be reproduced in management textbooks everywhere.
To be honest, all three are presenting about as attractive a business prospect as a biro up the nose, but amazingly Lord Sugarbabes manages to sack just one of them.
Which one you ask? Edna ‘S&M gloves’ Agbarha. Which just goes to show; three degrees isn’t always the best training for shovelling bags of gravel and flogging dog food. Put that in your university prospectus and smoke it.
Posted in Misc |
Tagged Apprentice Blog |
2 Comments
Posted on June 8, 2011 by John Cronin
Three new tenants have been secured for a multi-suite office development in Glasgow.
Joint marketing agents Knight Frank and Glen & Co have secured tenants for the 28,000 sq ft Elliot Street Mews office scheme in Glasgow.
The development consists of 2 adjoining buildings located approximately 0.5miles from Glasgow city centre. The buildings, originally the Cranstonhill Iron Foundry, were redeveloped in 2002 and offer a combined total floor space of 28,000 sq ft. There have been several office developments in Elliot Street in recent years including the 40,000 sq ft office complex at 144 Elliot Street. Scottish property developer Steven Shear is behind both developments.
Quoted rental prices for suites at 144 Elliot Street at £18.50 / sq ft. Only the 11,450 sq ft 1st floor remains available.
The Glasgow Chamber of Commerce reports that Monkey Agency has leased 3,200 sq ft of first floor space at Sovereign House. Xero Energy Ltd has agreed to let the 2,123 sq ft 2-storey self contained office building at 60 Elliot Street. The final new tenant is Isa Music, who has let a 769 sq ft suite at 46 Elliot Street Mews. Agreed rental prices have not been disclosed but the quoted headline rental for accommodation at Sovereign House is £13.70 / sq ft.
Stephen Shear of developers Sovereign Properties said: “By offering the suites to the market in walk-in condition, and with us being able to accommodate the flexibility that seems to be demanded by tenants … I am delighted to have added another three tenants to the development.”
Three office suites within the development ranging in size from 1,668 sq ft to 5,654 sq ft remain unoccupied.
Posted in Glasgow |
1 Comment
Newer posts →
← Older posts