Posted on October 25, 2010 by John Cronin
This morning British Land PLC has announced that it has agreed a deal Oxford Properties, the real estate arm of the OMERS Worldwide Group of Companies, to develop the Leadenhall Building in the City of London, on a 50:50 joint venture basis.
The distinctive, tapered design of the 225m high office tower has earned itself the nick-name of “The Cheese Grater”. Detailed planning consent is in place and demolition and preliminary basement works have already been completed. The total development cost is expected to be around £340 million. Now that a deal has been struck, the bidding process to select a contractor will commence in January 2011 with the aim of completing the shell and core of the tower by summer 2014. The 47-storey Leadenhall Street tower project, designed by Rogers Stirk Harbour and Partners was due to go-ahead three years ago with Bovis Lend Lease as builder but construction stalled when the recession took hold. The previous building on the site was only 14 storeys high.
The tower is set to become one of the tallest and most iconic buildings in the City of London (future London skyline pictured). The new building will offer 610,000 sq ft of premium Grade A office space in the heart of the Square Mile and will also include public space, retail and leisure facilities. The four storey landscaped public space at the base of the building, covering nearly half an acre, will be on a scale unprecedented in London.
The scheme offers adaptable floor plates, which range from 21,000 sq ft at the base of the building to 6,000 sq ft at the top of the tower. The main drawback of the design of the building is the relatively small floorspace for a building of its height. However, it is hoped that the slanting wedge-shaped design will have less impact on the protected sight line of St Paul’s Cathedral when viewed from Fleet Street. British Land indicates the project is already generating interest from a broad range of occupiers from across the insurance, financial, professional and corporate business sectors.
Chris Grigg, Chief Executive of British Land, said in a press release issued this morning: “We are delighted to be announcing the development of the Leadenhall Building. With its unique and iconic architecture, it is a building which will provide an unbeatable combination of style, presence, location and office floor space in the heart of the City of London. Our partnership with Oxford Properties, brings together two world-class property companies with proven development and asset management expertise.”
This latest deal reaffirms the renewed interest in major new developments inside the Square Mile. Only last week Land Securities announced that construction on the “Walkie Talkie” tower is set to start immediately. Speculative development has also started on the Pinnacle Tower, also known as the “Helter Skelter”. Peter Rees, head of planning at the City of London Corporation suggests that the London office sector is bouncing back after the recession with help from overseas finance. He said: “This is investors bringing money into London from outside the UK, money that would have been spent in New York or the Middle East.”
British Land was the first large developer to announce that it had stopped work on its tower in 2008. Other projects soon followed with developers citing both a lack of available finance and a sharp fall in demand for new office floor space as the reasons for halting construction. Industry pundits suggest that fewer new buildings will be delivered in the next few years and with several lease breaks due among the City’s larger occupiers there could be an increased demand for new office space.
Posted in London |
Tagged Speculative Developments |
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Posted on October 22, 2010 by John Cronin
The derelict site of the former Fountain Brewery in Edinburgh will see a large, mixed-use scheme of offices, hotels and residential properties under ambitious plans lodged yesterday.
The Lloyds Banking Group has submitted proposals for the transformation of the giant Fountainbridge site (pictured), which will see the tall main building featuring the iconic McEwan’s logo being demolished. Agents for the proposed scheme are CB Richard Ellis (Edinburgh). The full planning application can be viewed here. A decision from the planning committee is expected in February, 2011. Architects for the scheme are Edinburgh based Allan Murray.
The site, sold by brewing giant Scottish & Newcastle to HBOS in 2008, was initially going to be a major office hub for the company, bringing together all of its offices apart from its headquarters onto one site. It now intends to get planning consent for the new mixed use scheme, then sell off individual parts of the site to developers. The scheme would create approximately 15,000 square metres of new office space.
In accordance with the Edinburgh City Council ‘Protection of Key Views’ policy, tall towers are considered as being detrimental and are therefore not proposed for the site. The maximum height for a new office scheme would be no higher than 90m. As a speculative commercial development, available office floor space within the scheme would compete with the nearby commercial hubs at Haymarket, The Exchange and Springside. Tiger Developments have also recently submitted controversial plans for a speculative office scheme in the Haymarket district. The £850m St James Quarter development is to offer approximately 160,000 sq ft of modern office space.
Local property experts suggest that a mixed-use scheme rather than just an offices scheme on the old brewery site will take much longer to become a reality however. Alasdair Humpherey, managing director of property firm Jones Lang LaSalle in Scotland, told The Scotsman:
“Development on that site is unlikely in the short term because of the lack of development finance and other such problems, but getting planning in principle then detailed consent can take several years and things may have picked up by then. While the current market remains difficult, it is likely that there will be stronger interest from potential developers in the coming years, when the market picks up and the amount of available office space reduces”.
Posted in Edinburgh |
Tagged Planning, Speculative Developments |
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Posted on October 21, 2010 by John Cronin
A large and derelict office block in Southend-on-Sea in Essex is currently being used as film set in a forthcoming film.
The half-demolished office block on the seafront at Southend-on-Sea is currently being used as a mock-up for an Iraqi market scene in the forthcoming film entitled “Screwed” that is due for release in 2012. Filming continues this week.
The derelict office block is called Esplanade House (pictured, image source) and is located on the seafront on Eastern Esplanade, Southend. The former offices to the old gas works have been empty for over five years and the building is beginning to be known locally as the “Esplanade Eyesore”. Despite access to the floors being restricted due to the lack of stairs, vandals have risked injury by climbing the building to draw graffiti on the walls.
The offices have not been completely demolished because developers would then lose the right to construct a potential new office scheme on the site. Now owned by the Robert Leonard Group the site is believed to be partially contaminated due to the previous town gas works.
The construction company originally wanted to demolish the existing office block, decontaminate the site and build a mixed-use scheme of residential apartments, a hotel, student accommodation and retail outlets.
Having finally won three year, hybrid approval for the latest proposed plans in August 2010, the company has since decided to market the 3.5-acre site. Chelmsford-based Bidwells Property are selling the site by informal tender and the asking price is by application only.
Independent councillor for Thorpe ward, Ron Woodley, who opposed plans for the site, told the Southend Standard: “The council should be looking at developers to make sure they have the finances in place to fulfil the commitments they’re putting forward in planning applications. Every time we fail to do this. Esplanade House is in ruins but residents have been looking onto this site for so long. What a testament to Southend Council’s planning policies. The whole thing is wrong.”
Mark Flewitt, the Tory councillor for planning, was positive about the sale and hoped any new owners would develop the site in line with the planning permission. He said: “Rather than have it lying there empty, of no use to the local economy, we need to get these buildings in use”.
Posted in Essex |
Tagged Planning |
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Posted on October 21, 2010 by Nell Frizzell
It’s 6.30 am and the contestants have been summoned to Piccadilly’s Fortnum and Mason. Tea? Marmalade? Biscuit-building with the royal son and heir? “Speaking hampers. That’s probably the thing to do,” honks Stuart. Oh Stuart ‘the brand’ Baggs, sometimes you just make it too easy.
Once in Piccadilly the ambitious Apprentices-to-be assemble among the nipple-like cup cakes and prostate-shaped doughnuts to get their marching orders. The crew are smart and soberly turned out, apart from Mel who has yet again come dressed as a thigh-slapping pantomime page boy with hair like a peroxide Mr Whippy.
“This is turning flour in to serious dough,” quips his royal Pugface. Where does this guy get his material? So, it’s another food challenge, but this time they’ll have to make and sell as many baked good as possible. They knead profits. They’ll have to rise to the occasion. Gluttony just got gluten-y.
In a laughable attempt to stop the ‘arguing and cackling’, the teams are ‘mixed up’. Well, mixed up in the sense that Synergy becomes full of all the loud-mouth, cliché-spouting numbchucks (Peroxide Mel, Cleaner Joanna, Maverick Alex, Hollyoaks Jamie), while Apollo is entirely made up of people you hadn’t really noticed were really in the show (Paloma? Chris? Sandeesh?)
Apollo is to be led by surgeon Shibby. The self-proclaimed “business virgin” suddenly loses his cool over the prospect of popping his business cherry, declaring; “I’ll smack your bums if I have to.” Ahem.
Synergy’s expert team leader Mel – a food distribution manager in her previous incarnation – fails to come up with a single bestselling bakery suggestion, choosing to instead chew her pen and stare wildly in to the faces around her. Luckily a colleague comes to her rescue with the unlikely mayday call of, “It sounds like you’re vying for bagels.” Whatever that means.
By 10am half of each team heads off to the infamous London Bread and Cake Factory to go wild in the floured aisles. To wake up to bake up. To get ahead with bread. The others head to the pitches set up by their very own knight of the realm.
Hollyoaks Jamie wants to “go through a quick role play,” in the back of a taxi, which turns out to be far less exciting than it sounds. This isn’t the stuff of wicked princes and naughty parlour maids, or even police officers and Shibby’s smacked bottoms. No. Hollyoaks wants to talk croissants; specifically how much 300 will cost. Unfortunately, this is the kind of dazzling maths that has Melissa totally confounded.
At the Park Plaza hotel, Synergy are met by the worst Village People tribute band we’ve ever seen. You’ve got the businessman, the chef and… well, another business man. No matter; Maverick Alex is on hand to talk artisan breads.
So, what can they do with an order for 1,000 bread rolls? “We can do many things,” replies Melissa enigmatically. ‘Many things’ turns out to be sitting at the table frantically punching at the calculator like late-period Keith Moon, while the rest of the team shift uncomfortably in their ready-to-wear suits. After fifteen minutes of fevered sums the team are called back in to quote a best price bread roll at £1.82 per unit. £1.82? Are these rolls cast in gold?
Just to put it into perspective, team Apollo quote 6p per unit. As opposed to £1.82. That’s a saving of, oooh, about a millon per cent. Apollo win the pitch, so now they just have to break it to their makers in the factory, with ‘break’ being the operative word. It’s an order so excessive, with such little notice that it would provoke any normal factory into taking up Marxism. Sadly, so far, only Sandeesh has raised the red flag and is going on a one-woman go slow.
Meanwhile, Team Synergy’s factory-workers are getting a little restless. Poor Stuart has resorted to wearing as many hats as possible to stave off the boredom. Seriously, it’s like the spirit of Carmen Miranda has been reborn in the body of a shiny-faced, bread-making bullshit machine from the Isle of Man.
Apollo are having quite the opposite problem – so snowed under are they with garish purple muffins and oily croissants that Shibby has to turn down another 1,000 unit order from a major restaurant. Well, you know what they say; you’ve got to eradicate to accumulate. Or is it defecate to accumulate?
Taking one for the Apollo team is Chris Bates, who is forced to parade around Covent Garden dressed as an oven. Shibby – a man who, lest we forget, is a trained surgeon – crows the infamous line; “I’m sorry madam, you’ve just walked in to the muffin zone.” We’re all going to hell in a bread basket.
As selling-time comes to a close most of the contenders are to be found arm-in-arm jumping up and down in celebration. Apart from poor cooker costume Chris, who looks like he’s just found out his pet dog’s been made in to a meat Frisbee.
With their suitcases packed and their faces set to Nervous Anticipation, the Apprentices-to-be head to Sugar HQ in yet another fleet of taxis. The tension is, well, palpable.
Shibby’s Angels have lost the task, so will the surgeon have to take a long walk off a short plank? Or is it goodbye from Paloma? Will Sandeesh get the chop?
Surprisingly, it’s surgeon Shibby who gets his marching orders. Apparently, Sandeesh’s total lack of effort and Arthur Scargill-like approach to factory life was what Lord Sugar was looking for all along. Who knew?
Conclusion: If you’re serious about making dough, it’ll take more than yeast to rise to the challenge.
Posted in Misc |
Tagged Apprentice Blog |
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Posted on October 20, 2010 by John Cronin
Plans have been submitted for a new office scheme on one of the final undeveloped bomb sites in the centre of Nottingham.
Developers Studon Holdings, a Leicester-based investment firm, have submitted plans for a new office building on the empty site next to 54-56 High Pavement in the prestigious Lace Market area of Nottingham. The Lace Market district is a local conservation area in the city that is dominated by expensive apartments and bespoke commercial offices. The area suffered from heavy bombing during World War II.
The scheme involves the refurbishment of existing offices along with the development of the vacant site adjacent to 9-11 Shorthill that will in total provide 104,549 sq ft of gross floor space. No’s 54-56 High Pavement are currently in commercial, serviced office use, though accommodating a significant element of vacant floor space, whilst premises at 9-12 Short Hill, formerly in commercial/industrial use, are now vacant. Some of the existing buildings involved in the scheme are listed and as the site is also of archaeological importance planning approval is not certain. Studon Holdings have previously submitted plans for the site to be redeveloped as a residential scheme. The full planning documentation for the new office block is available here.
Architects for the scheme are Re-format and they have proposed a design whereby a podium is created and the bulk of the buildings are then mounted on it in visually distinct elements complete with floor to ceiling glazing overlooking London Road (pictured). Inside the scheme will be a new urban courtyard, something seen in many of the other buildings already in the area, with a glazed atrium adjoining it. The scheme includes underground parking for 79 cars.
The proposed scheme has received mixed reviews from locals. Some describe the offices as being “yet another box disaster” while others have said “I really like the look of this development. The High Pavement frontage is in keeping with the other buildings but with a modern and contemporary look. I love the glazed boxes facing the BBC Island.”
Rental prices for the speculative development have not yet been published.
A decision from the planning committee is expected in the near future.
Posted in Nottinghamshire |
Tagged Listed Buildings, Planning, Serviced Offices, Speculative Developments |
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Posted on October 19, 2010 by John Cronin
A new joint venture announced this morning marks the start of the construction a significant office tower in heart of the City of London.
Land Securities and Canary Wharf Group have announced today that they have formed the 20 Fenchurch Street Limited Partnership (the Partnership), a 50:50 joint venture partnership to develop 20 Fenchurch Street, EC3.
The existing property, currently a cleared site with some ancillary retail neighbouring holdings, has been sold by Land Securities to the new partnership at a price of £90.2 million.
Planning consent for the proposed 37 storey building was granted in October 2009. It will provide approximately 690,000 sq ft of world class space in floor plate sizes of 14,000 sq ft to 28,000 sq ft with a skygarden on the top three floors. It is suggested that the skygarden (pictured) will be open to the public and will be the highest public park in London. Following criticism about the height and impact on the views of St Pauls Cathedral the original design has been reduced from 45 to 36 above-ground floors. 
The proposed office block has been given the nickname of Walkie Talkie due to the distinctive, top-heavy design of the structure. The tower has been designed by the Uruguayan born architect Rafael Viñoly. The upper floors of the tower will offer more spacious floor plates than those lower down the structure along with far reaching views of London. The offices will have a BREEAM rating of ‘Very Good’ and will be marketed as premium Grade A.
The Partnership will construct the project under a staged programme at an anticipated total development cost of £500m. To enable a condensed programme, construction of the substructure of the building and detailed design of the superstructure is to start immediately. Completion to the ground floor level is planned for February 2012. Construction of the superstructure will follow, with completion of the project anticipated in the second quarter of 2014.
George Iacobescu, Chief Executive Officer of Canary Wharf Group, said: “We are looking forward to this opportunity to apply our extensive experience as a developer of large, high specification and bespoke office buildings for a diverse range of clients. We are also delighted that on this occasion we will be working alongside Land Securities with its own impressive pedigree and track record. This joint venture project will provide further evidence of our approach to the development and construction of very high quality buildings in London.”
Indicative rental prices have not been published. Commercial agents Knight Frank have recently published a report estimating a rise in rental prices for floor space inside the Square Mile are set to rise by 37% to £58 / sq ft by the end of 2012.
Posted in London |
Tagged Canary Wharf Group, Rental Prices, Speculative Developments |
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Posted on October 18, 2010 by John Cronin
Brighton and Hove City Council has served a revised enforcement notice to a company that owns a derelict office block in the city.
The council is attempting to keep up the pressure on the owners of the notorious Anston House, a former office block with adjacent empty land that is now considered as being a serious eyesore in the city (image source).
In July the council served a section 215 enforcement notice on those with interest in the land to clear up the site. The owners appealed against the notice but the council persuaded them back to the table and negotiated revised conditions without the need for court action. The new, revised notice gives the owners 18 months to carry out all the improvements and imposes a new condition that vegetation must be cut back every three months.
Anston House is located in London Road on what is considered a strategically important 0.6 hectare site at the gateway to the centre of Brighton. The 9 storey, 1960’s office block and adjacent overgrown site was sold for £10.5m in May 2007 to Bridgetown Properties Ltd. The previous owner of the site had submitted 60 planning applications but none of them came to fruition. Redeveloped, the office block could offer a significant amount of office floor space. However, the office building remains empty and in a sorry state of repair.
The current owners have been previously fined a total of £30,000 with costs of £4,000 for five breaches of tree preservation orders. Bridgetown Properties was fined £5,000 per tree – a total of £25,000. Mr Harding (company director) was personally fined £1,000 per tree – a total of £5,000. Both parties were ordered to pay £2,000 costs. Mr Harding filed for bankruptcy three days before sentencing was due and therefore the judge had to take into consideration Mr Harding’s financial circumstances when determining the amount of fine to be imposed.
The neglected site has received a great deal of attention from local residents and local community bloggers. The publisher of the Prestonville community news site presented a petition to the council, signed by approximately 600 residents, which eventually resulted in the prosecution for the illegal tree felling. Another local news site called News From Brighton is also monitoring events at the empty office block that was last used in 1987 by a utilities company.
In the latest enforcement notice the council requires the owners to “repair or replace all broken windows on the office building” and “remove all graffiti from the exterior of the building”.
Posted in East Sussex |
Tagged Planning, Renovations |
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Posted on October 15, 2010 by John Cronin
The chequered construction history of a new Birmingham building has finally drawn to a close as the contractors complete the build.
The Cube is a 23 storey, mixed-use scheme in the centre of Birmingham. Construction work on the £100m scheme has just finished and the building now completes the final phase of Birmingham’s successful Mailbox development.
The main backers of the project, Birmingham Development Company and Build Ability Ltd both went into administration earlier this year. With the project almost 80% complete, administrators managed to arrange a new funding package to keep the project on track and ensure completion.
Construction work on the build has stop-started due not only to the financial difficulties of the backers; some workers had to down-tools for 3 weeks while a Canada goose nested in the building and waited for her newly laid eggs to hatch.
The Cube was designed by architect Ken Shuttleworth who is renowned for the London “gherkin”. He described his Cube creation as an “enchanting jewellery box”, but others have not been quite so complimentary about the new building that is visible from many parts of the city. Whilst the developers were sympathetic to superstition by not having a floor numbered 13, they could not avoid having 666 glass panels in the roof of the building. The building is also receiving press attention for its unique, German designed, robotic car parking system, allowing cars to be parked automatically.
The building affords Grade A office floor space totalling some 111,500 sq ft. The offices in the building, which are spread over 5 floors are expected to receive a BREEAM ‘Excellent’ rating, and has also achieved an EPC rating of B. Suites with floor plates between 10,000 to 52,000 sq ft are available and are being marketed by agents DTZ. Rental prices are available upon application. The Birmingham Office Market Forum (website) research reports published earlier this year indicates headline rents on prime office space in Birmingham are in a range of £23.00- £28.00 psf. As offices within The Cube are being promoted as state-of-the-art, rental prices are expected to be at the top-end of the market.
The Highways Agency are a significant tenant within the building after relocating from Broadway Plaza at nearby Five Ways. Starting the relocation in May of this year, the move was completed on 13th September. The Highways Agency has let some 55,939 sq ft of the floor space. When announced this relocation drew criticism from various quarters including the Tax Payers Alliance. Grahame Dalton, chief executive of the Highways Agency defended the move by saying:
“It is increasingly important that as a Government agency we work in modern, high quality, sustainable office space which supports our people and provides them with the best tools for the job. We need space that allows people to work as efficiently and effectively as possible. With this in mind, The Cube offers us ideal accommodation for high performing teams at a competitive price.”
Posted in West Midlands |
Tagged Public Sector, Rental Prices, Speculative Developments |
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Posted on October 14, 2010 by John Cronin
Plans for competing city centre office blocks in Swindon have started an argument between the rival developers.
Property development company McAleer and Rushe have shelved their existing plans for an apartment block next to the Jurys Inn Hotel in Fleming Way, Swindon due to the lack of demand for city centre, residential property. Instead they have now submitted plans for a large office block to be built on the site. McAleer and Rushe now plan to construct a 7 storey office block on the land.
But objections to the new plans have been lodged by Muse, the developer chosen by Swindon Council to construct the large urban redevelopment project named Union Square (artists impression). Forward Swindon (formerly New Swindon Company) an economic development company for the city have published the objectives of their Union Square proposals on their website.
Occupying the land between Fleming Way and the railway station, including the former police station station site, Union Square is planned as being a large, mixed-use development. Along with retail outlets, homes and new public transport facilities Union Square will offer 550,000 sq ft of office space.
Muse and their consulting partners GVA Grimley have both submitted letters of objection to the McAleer and Rushe plans. Their reasons for opposing the plans include:
1.The site is a significant distance from the railway station and not within the prime office core;
2. The current application will severely impact upon the delivery of an office-based scheme at Union Square;
3. By permitting office use at the Jury’s site, it will prejudice the development of Office Use at Union Square, which is a significant issue to support refusal of the application;
4. Changes in Government legislation regarding payment of commercial rates, developers and investors less willing to speculatively develop office buildings due to the increased holding costs of void properties, meaning that very little development will be seen in Swindon Town Centre without pre-let agreements in place.
Arguments for the proposed development put forward by Knight Frank & Alder King, acting on behalf of Muse Developments include:
1. The wider the choice, the more chance Swindon has of landing deals within its central office core and of creating the critical mass required to create a dynamic office market;
2. Currently limited good quality office stock in Swindon. Station Square is the only high quality office building capable of being occupied in the immediate future, however it is not brand new and will not suit all enquiries;
3. The scheme can be delivered relatively quickly in comparison to office development at Union Square.
The complete set of planning documentation submitted by Muse Developments can be found in .pdf format here.
The recommendation made by the committee is that The Director of Planning and Transport be authorised to GRANT Planning Permission subject to various, specified conditions. If by the 30th December 2010 the outstanding issues have not been satisfactorily resolved the application may be refused.
The committee concludes:
“Any refusal of this application on the basis that it would prevent the future deliverability of other schemes would be very difficult to defend at appeal, primarily as currently there are no alternatives capable of being delivered within a short time frame.”
Posted in Wiltshire |
Tagged Planning, Speculative Developments |
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Posted on October 14, 2010 by Nell Frizzell
“We are in tough economic times,” nasals Lord Sugar, accompanied by the thundering strains of Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet. This, however, is the tale of star cross’d apprentices, not lovers, and the houses Synergy and Apollo are at war. Luckily ‘Britain’s most belligerent boss’ is on hand to make them “work as a team, but shine as individuals.” Shine his massive forehead, one assumes.
The episode begins with a 5.30am phone call ordering the contestants to Heathrow. Is this an annual holiday to Sugar’s evil Thunderbird Island, where puppets from previous episodes churn out twelve tonne Amstrad 200 Dominateurs with keyboards the size of surfboards and screens that glow black? Sadly not.
The teams are met by Nick, Karen and a ‘live’ video link-up of Lord Sugar, who has mistaken the morning talk for an acceptance speech at the Grammies. “Beach holidays are big business whether you’re going to Bermuda or Bognor,” says Alan’s floating 2D face. So the task is to create a new beach accessory. Stuart ‘the brand’ Baggs watches the disembodied call to arms with an expression some way between that of a bull dog and a naan.
Following the loss of Dan, banker Stella English is sent over to the boys’ team to ‘keep them in check’, while Laura Moore leads the women. Despite being the youngest of the females, Laura is seriously committed to two things; making money and wearing polonecks. And with half a million pounds of business and one hell of a white rollneck tucked in under her belt, who are we to argue?
Faced with the oyster that is the world of holiday product design, back-slapping Shibby Robati has the electric idea of creating a ‘really long hand’ to apply suncream to his own back. It’s a bold notion that takes on Darwin himself, but unaccountably it falls as flat as well-ironed stingray. Meanwhile the Hollyoaks dream team of Jamie Lester and Christopher Farrell have the epiphany of a blow up towel that keeps your drink cold. Maverick Alex instantly declares that he would ‘buy Jamie’s towel right now.’ Whether he’s referring to the imagined beach product or the towel recently used to dry Jamie’s nadgers is unclear. Still, it’s always nice to have a fan.
On their way to Bognor the boys propose marketing a ‘coolie’. Far be it from me to point out the niggling problem of modern labour laws but a poorly-dressed, underpaid manual labourer seems an unlikely accessory for holiday makers to pick up in Tie Rack. Luckily, this is coolie spelled with a double ü, making it something else entirely.
In true holiday spirit the girls are arguing over chairs, towels, books and bumbags. Joanna Riley plugs away for so long at the idea of a book stand that project manager Laura finally makes the bold decision to give in.
It’s day two and the prototypes arrive. The Book-eeze is outstandingly uneezey to assemble, coming as it does in eight separate parts. These eight parts join together to create a stand that, when finally constructed, dangles the book, face down, three inches above the ground. Perfect for a hamster with aspirations towards literature, but something of a letdown for the rest of us. The Cüüli, on the other hand, is a towel with an inflatable headrest.
Now for the pitching. Stella sticks with “drab and monotone” Chris while ‘battering bulldog’ Melissa pitches that her product is “built in to our end user”. Which makes it sound uncomfortably like a catheter.
The products are pitched to Boots, World Duty Free (like Call of Duty, but with slightly more perfume) and some people called Kit to Fit. The boys declare that “the age of the beach towel is ultimately dead”, while the girls schlep around town with their very own box of lucky sand. The pitching is patchy, to say the least.
Once back in the boardroom for the firing finale Lord Sugar declares the Cüüli a ‘Swiss army towel’ and the Apollo team back away from the Book-eeze like a shit in a lift. The men ultimately managed to drum up 100 orders; the women a big fat zero. So, it’s victory for Synergy and the firing line for Laura and her team.
Apparently, Sugar is not looking for the person who can shout loudest, which is a shame as most of the women appear to competing for the title. Instead, he takes all the Joy out of the competition by firing John Lennon-alike Joy Stefanicki. It’s alright though, because she’s sick of all the shrieking anyway. Her and me both.
Conclusion: Too much sun makes a desert and too much sand makes for gritty knickers.
Quotes of the episode:
“This is like watching a bunch of amateurs”
“We have to beat those girlies”
“Take one for the team”
“I’m like a bottle of champagne. If I can’t open my mouth then I’ll just explode.”
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Tagged Apprentice Blog |
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